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Kal’s Christmas List

Hi, hello there, I’m Kal.

A lot of people have been asking my human what they can get me for Christmas. I had to think really hard about it and also had to take a poop.  So while I was crouched on a hill at the Runyon, I came up with my list. Please feel free to post on Twitter.

Kal’s Christmas List

1.  Food

2.  Food

3.  Food

4.  Food

5.  Food

6.  A fucking Squirrel

7.  Food

8.  Food

9.  Food

10. iPhone 5


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The Runyon

So this fucking dog was walking with its owner and it pissed on my grass. I fucking barked and got in his face. Nipped at the son of a bitch too. The human holding the leash was all, like, “CALL YOUR DOG!” So my human called me and I came back and sat on the step. But I wanted to show that fucking dog I meant business so I raised the hair on my back and snorted the air. I saw a cow do that once before it ran over a Spaniard.

Ever since my human divorced the blond human, I’ve been making sure I’ve got his back. My point about the dog, I totally saved his life. On a side note, I kept another fucking dog from ruining my carefully placed perimeter of piss.  Fucking bark that three times in a row.

Here’s a picture of what I looked like after I saved my human’s life.

Here’s what I look like after taking a dump.

This is what I look like after I bark my fucking head off at the mailman.

Also, I’ve decided to make all of my humans decisions from now on. Example, we were hiking Runyon Canyon yesterday and this brunette female and her little shitty dog were walking behind us. The female started to talk to my human and I could tell he was nervous because his scent changed. I was off the leash casually smelling the small dogs’ ass. Then out of nowhere, little dude nips at me – I took that fucker into a spin, got him straight on his back, scared that mother good because it went yipping down the Runyon. The conversation between my human and the brunette never recovered.

See I made the decision that my human isn’t ready for females yet.


PS Here’s a picture of me as a fucking puppy. You’re welcome.

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